A quick laparoscopic hysterectomy (due to suspicious findings on my yearly exam) turned into a very involved 5 hour radical hysterectomy, sending me into menopause, unable to use any hormone therapy due to my cancer history. While thankful that all pathology was benign, my body has not been the same since.
The past five years have been some of the most difficult years of my life. Depression, insomnia, weight gain, irritability, hot flashes and moodiness have taken hold of my life more than ever before. There. I said it. I rarely, if ever, share this with anyone.
It's hard to admit when you are feeling lost and out of control and nothing seems to help. I am thankful for a husband who loves me no matter what and who has put up with his wife with so much grace. Thankful for my sweet kids, who deserve more than a cranky mom. Thankful for wine... haha.. even tho it makes me hot flashes worse. Most importantly, tho, I am thankful for a God who is faithful and who keeps inviting me to lean into His goodness and grace to find my way.
He put it on my heart today that it was this particular anniversary. I honestly hadn't even realized it. I feel like He is asking me to re-commit to taking care of myself. To put down the wine glass and pick up my Bible. To go for a walk instead of sitting in front of my laptop. To enjoy the abundant life he has given me.
This might not happen quickly as the busiest time of our year is approaching (both kids' birthdays and the holidays) but it is my goal to make my physical and emotional health a priority. I owe that to my husband. I owe it to my kids. I owe it to myself.