This year, tho. This year is diffent.
Yes, it is my "COVID Birthday" and this past year has been challenging to say the least.
But that's not it.
Today I am 50. FIFTY. And for some reason it has really brought on all the feelings. And if I'm being honest, most of those feelings aren't positive.
I'm struggling with this one. Fifty just seems, well... old.
When my mom turned 50, I was 25. I had a lot of life under my belt. My mom wasn't a grandma yet but would be 4 years later. I am turning 50 and I have an 11 and 14 year old. While I don't regret being single as long as I was (my 20's were some of the most formative years of my life) and getting married at 30 (I waited and got the best!!), I am starting to feel like an "old mom". I don't like that.
My body certainly hasn't been kind to me the past five years. Cancer and an urgent hysterectomy have affected me in so many ways. I have gained weight and lost confidence. Hot flashes and insomnia plague me... which is a factor in the weight gain and confidence thing for sure. This past year working out has fallen by the wayside due to just having no time to myself.. and my body is sore and strugging because of that.
This is not a "whoa is me" post...even if it sounds like one. Just me being real. I know how fortunate I am to have 50 years under my belt. 50 years of a pretty amazing life, actually. I have air in my lungs and Jesus in my heart. Cheesy but true.
Today I was spoiled with cards, flowers, gifts and calls from friends. My BFF took me for a long walk and coffee, which was so good for my soul (due to COVID and her being a nurse, we haven't had a lot of face time this past year and I have missed that so much!). We got take out from Pepita's for dinner and I enjoyed time with my family.
Here's to a new year. Happy Birthday to me!
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