Change is hard. So, so hard. I really don't like it. At all. Even good change is hard for me sometimes.
There has been so much change going on. Evelyn changes every day. I am in awe of this and love watching her grow, but it seems like I have to "learn" her again daily... a blessing and a curse. I still am adjusting to not working as a nurse any longer. I miss my dear, dear work friends and the kids/families I was honored to care for. Decisions Doug and I have made have to be changed due to this and that. I could go on and on....
... and my hair keeps getting more gray... ugh.
One of the biggest areas of change, tho, is in my church family. Leadership changes, service format changes, lots of dear friends leaving for a miriad of reasons. So hard.
The 7 couples in our Care Group (bible study) have been together for over 5 years. We started out with 2 kids between all of us. We now have 13 sweet kiddos and two more due early next year. We have been thru life, death and everything in between together. Amazing relationships, good times.
Last night we found out that one family is changing churches and leaving our group. It hit us all like a ton of bricks, even tho some of us already knew. There were many tears shed by guys and gals alike, as well as lots of laughs remembering old times. Its like losing a limb... we won't feel complete without them. Yet we will go on.
We ended our evening with powerful prayer... and a Cinnimon Roll hug. For those of you who don't know what that is, think high school church camp or singles retreats. It would take up too much space to explain. It was great. Just what we needed to end our last actual care group time all together. We love you, Ken and Christine!
I am not sure what to think about all of the change that is going on. Not sure at all. I don't like it. I feel like crawling under a rock. What I really need to do is get on my knees. Literally.
We serve a God who thankfully does NOT change. He is a faithful, constant source of grace, comfort, wisdom and love in an ever changing world. It is because of Him that we can have such great families, friendships and fellowship, not because of our church or ourselves. We are just vessels.
"Why so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God" ~Psalm 42:11
I pray I can ride the wave of change without fear or feeling "downcast" and "disturbed", but with hope, faith and grace. And of course, joy!
2 comments:
I feel ya, girl!!!
It's tough!
great post Stephanie, It's so hard to see friends go... I spent last night with the student worship team who are losing their leader after a little over a year of serving with him. They were feeling fear and disappointment and nerves but also i saw a glimmer, an ember of something that only God can fuel in our hearts, a resolve to reconsider why we serve, rather than who we serve with. It was hard and hopeful to watch these kids deal with the very same things we do as adults. JFraser
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