Just Keep Swimming

If I am being honest, I would describe our life right now as "a bit heavy".

Doug's work continues to be really tough. Lots of hours, too much stress that is affecting him both physically and emotionally, and no end in sight. But he has a job. A good paying job. With amazing co-workers who he cares about and who care about him. For that we are thankful.

I feel like my "job performance" as a mom the past 6 months has taken a nose dive. I have little patience, snap at them way more than  I should, and spend way too much time on facebook. I crave "down time", something I don't get much of these days with the way Doug's job is right now. But to be able to stay home with them, to really be there for everyone moment of their young lives..  I am thankful.

The kids have their "moments" more often these days, sadly feeling the effects of both the things described above. Evelyn can drive me me nuts sometimes with her lack of attention, lack of listening, lack of kindness toward her brother, her whining, and her constant need to be twirling. But she is so smart, creative, pensive, and hilarious.. and loves me to the moon and back. She can be the kindest, sweetest soul, crack me up, listen well, be a huge helper, and obey "the first time".. and in those moments, which are in actuality quite often, she absolutely shines and she makes my heart smile. Matthew is three and when something doesn't go his way (which, apparently, is quite often these days), he handles it the way any three year old would. By crying and fussing.  A lot. Oh, and he throws things too. But just one look at his face sweet face makes me melt. They way he is so kind, thoughtful, and loving toward me, his dad and his sister is so endearing. His laugh and smile light up a room. His energy and love for life  is contagious. For the amazing gift of my kids, I am eternally thankful.

We have had at least one of us sick since Thanksgiving (yes... 2 months!) We truly have never had this much illness in our house! I was told that this might happen when Evelyn started school, and boy, that was true. And it is getting old. Fast. It has kept us off our game and causing us to miss important things like church and school and fun classes and play dates, and creating lots of cabin fever for the one(s) who aren't sick at the time! But, even tho I am writing this because I cannot sleep due to my incessant coughing and stuffiness, I am thankful it has been nothing too serious and that I made it through the first 6 weeks of "sick family" being the healthy one and able to take care of the rest of the ones I love so dearly.

Then the cat died. That really wasn't what we needed. At all. I'd say we are doing okay, but we miss him terribly. The kids are still processing the best they can. Matthew hadn't asked about Sam for 3 or 4 days, but tonight he asked, "Why did Sam have to go away?" and "Is he broken into pieces?". Such hard stuff for kids who are young and who have never gone through loss. Hard stuff for parents who are also reeling over this loss yet want to be strong and completely available for the little people. But, I am thankful for Sam, the life he had, and how much joy he brought our family. 

Heavy. Things are a bit heavy. We are trying our best to have an attitude of thankfulness in this "season". We know so many have it WAY tougher than we do. As I write this I think, "I am toally whining.. I need to suck it up", but this is just where WE are right now and for us, it is hard. Yet we have so very much to be thankful for. Truly we do.

This morning Evelyn and I watched "Finding Nemo" while Doug and Matthew were at church (currently her and I are the sick ones). I don't know why, but I was struck by the profound yet simple wisdom of Dory. When Marlin was scared, feeling low. heavy hearted over his lost son, Dory modeled and spoke these words to him more than once:

"Just keep swimming."

Just. Keep. Swimming.

And so we do...


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" ~Romans 8:28