As a kid I believed in Santa. Wholeheartedly, I might add. From pictures, to letters, to cookies, to movies.. Santa was always alive in our house at Christmas time. Memories of dad saying he thought he saw Rudolph's nose in the sky (which got me and my sisters totally amped), my sisters and I gathering in one of our our rooms on Christmas morning (usually at the crack of dawn.. we were excited) to wait for our parents to wake up. Dad always had to go "check" to make sure Santa had come before we were allowed to go to the living room. Those are just a few memories. It was such a marvelous and fun time.
Until 3rd grade.
I don't remember what we were talking about in class that fateful day, but I remember VIVIDLY what my fellow classmate , Jeff Duncan had to say about whatever it was:
"Well, its just like how Santa isn't real. It's your parents."
My little world was shattered. My spirit was crushed. After almost 30 years I still remember it like it was yesterday. One of those defining moments, I guess. I remember many night for months I would just cry in bed. I didn't want to talk to my parents about it because I probably still hoped what Jeff said wasn't true. I am not sure when I told them, but I do remember being being really sad the following Christmas.
Over time I got over it. I never was mad at my parents (I do know some people who felt lied to by their parents over the whole Santa thing). Although I will never forget how I found out, I am not permanently scarred (really...)!
Fast forward to today. I am now a parent. A Christian parent, who wants her child to fully be aware of and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. A parent who doesn't want to lie to her kid. Doug didn't "do" Santa as a kids and feels like he turned out okay (I guess I'll agree on that one.. heehee), so he isn't as torn about it as I am. We have been talking about it and praying about it. We have been asking opinions of friends/parents we respect. Lots of great ideas to keep Santa in the picture but having Jesus being front and center. What to do? I don't want her to "miss out" on the "awe" of Santa.. the feelings I had as a kid. I also don't want her to be the "Jeff Duncan" for someone else. Yet those feelings I had as a kid were about something not real. Jesus is real.. that's what I want her to know most of all. She is already very interested in the Santa stuff she sees.. it is everywhere! She is so smart and doesn't miss a thing. We need start talking about it, whatever IT is, now.
We have "sort of" decided to go with the "Santa is pretend, Jesus is real" idea with Evelyn. Is that the right thing? We have no idea! UGH! Man, parenting can be tough! :)
I would love opinions/ideas if you have them.....
7 comments:
this one is tough cuz you don't want your kid to be the Jeff Duncan for someone else either.
we're telling our kids that Santa is a really nice man and always comes to visit the malls during Christmas. when they're old enough, we'll tell them the story behind Santa... but for now, we're just focusing on the real meaning of christmas -- CHRIST.
i'm sure i'll screw my kids up in other ways -- i don't need the whole "santa" thing to help me under :)
My parents love to tell the story of when I was little, and I was the "Jeff Duncan" of my kindergarten class. Because I'm adopted, my parents had always said they would be completely upfront and honest with my sister regarding our adoptions, whose tummy we grew in, etc. Apparently whether Santa was real or not fell into this category as well. Although I don't remember exactly what they said, it had to have been something about him not being real, because the next day I went to my kindergarten class and told all my friends. That afternoon, my parents got several not very nice phone calls from some very disgruntled parents...
I know David & I are struggling a little bit this year with Kyra, because like Evelyn, we see Santa everywhere, the mall, the grocery store, on TV, so she's totally aware of him. However, we've been telling her he helps Mommy & Daddy out, and then direct her toward her Fisher Price Nativity Set, and the real reason for Christmas.
Hope that helps and you can just call me Jeff...
This is totally "the pot calling the kettle black" but this is one that no matter how many of us tell you our opinions, you just have to do what feels right for the two of you. I'm laughing, because I am totally guilty for asking for lots of advice on issues like this. I was just doing it recently and a friend told me this same thing. However, it does help to just hear what others think in trying to make a decision that feels right for your family. For us, we'll always have Santa in our life - particularly if we are fortunate enough to have kids. But, I think there is a balance in having the fun of Santa stuff at the holidays, but reminding your children what this time of year is really all about. Good luck - I know you'll make the right decision for your family!
I'm not sure if Kirk and I ever "decided" to tell the kids about Santa... he was just this guy who was out there. We read the Night Before Christmas and those kinds of classic stories and they knew Santa brought presents on Christmas Eve, but we didn't really make a big deal out of it. We went with the "we believe in the Christmas Spirit" thing when they would ask if Santa is real. They know the true meaning of Christmas and Santa is just kind of a sidebar. My advice would be to just not make a huge deal out of Santa but don't diss him either. It's all part of the wonder and excitement of Christmas.
My kids are older so we are kind of past this, but I remember it being a concern for us too. We let them watch the Santa cartoons but we said they were pretend like all cartoons. Once they got older we told them about a good man who used to buy presents for needy kids and that the story grew from there. We did (and still do) emphasize that some kids like to believe that Santa real and not to spoil their fun. I think so far they haven't - at least no angry calls from parents yet. :)
Since Santa was seated in just about every store that we went to, we would've been hard pressed to say it was the same person. Maybe it is our drama background, but we just explained that there was a story about St Nick (Santa) that had a lot of different versions. Many people enjoy the story. So, to have fun, stores let people dress in a costume and act like 'Santa'. Not unlike going to Chuck-E-Cheese and seeing a costumed person dressed like a big mouse...in clothes. It makes the visit fun. We'd talk about all of the stories around the costumes that people wore on Halloween and how people enjoy those stories and the costumes...but that wearing a 'Aladdin' costume did not make the person in the costume be able to fly a carpet or be friends with a magic genie. It is all just a way of having fun.
Did I worry about our kids enlightening their Santa-believing friends? Nah. We also explained that some families choose to let their kids believe that Santa is real for years, to make the fun of the story last longer. Our kids really liked having the 'inside scoop' and, to my knowledge, never blabbed.
Okay, so I'm a little late catching up on your blog. Now that Christmas is over, I have comment. I was talking with Lynne Dee about this very thing (before Christmas), and what they have done is include Santa, but not make hime the main deal. How they do this, is that Santa fills the stockings, but does NOT give the big gifts on Christmas morning. Also, Lynne Dee didn't want to lie to the girls, either, so she doesnt. She simply says when they ask that she's never seen Santa, herself. They also have a stocking for Jesus.
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