A couple of months back I wrote a post about my struggles with worry over something happening to Evelyn or Doug. I wish I could say it's been better... unfortunately I think it has been worse! Sleeping has been difficult lately, partly because of the heat. Also because in the quiet of the night, thoughts creep into my head and just stay there and plague me and keep me awake.
What has spurred this on, I think, is the fact that this weekend is Doug's 20 year high school reunion. For the first time EVER, we are leaving Evelyn overnight with her grandparents. I think the longest I have ever been away from her is, like, 3 hours.. tops. Thankfully her separation issues seem to be fading. Still, tho, I know she will miss us and be a little sad!
I know this weekend will be tough for me. However, I really want to enjoy our time away and have some good quality time with Doug. I know it will be so good for both of us. I also really want Evelyn to spend time with her grandparents who love her dearly and are SO excited to have her. Yet... I am plagued with anxiety over things that are TOTALLY out of my control.
One of my favorite pieces of scripture is in Phil. 4 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I have been claiming this a lot. Praying for peace.
This morning I was reading in Matthew 14. Jesus was walking on the water and told Peter to walk on the water to him. But Peter became fearful as he was walking towards Jesus and started to sink into the water. "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (v 31).
I was TOTALLY convicted after reading that. God made it very clear to me: it is not about my lack of peace.. it's about my lack of faith! OUCH! My worrying about this weekend is not only affecting me, but my relationship with my Creator. Huge wake up call/reality check.
So, as I head into this busy weekend, I am not praying so much for peace as much as I am praying for my faith to take front and center away from worry and anxiety. I don't want to be like Peter and and be "of little faith". I have NO reason to doubt God's sovereignty, His power, His love, His grace, His promises. None. Amen!
Yet, I am human. I still will be sad and probably be a bit anxious about the whole thing. It is the first time after all (the "firsts" have been hard for me, in general). But.. I need to get over myself, get out of God's way, and go have a good time with my husband! That's what I plan to do!
No comments:
Post a Comment